It's beautiful outside and I have been curled into a ball all day. I finally, finally forced myself to walk three blocks to go to the bank.

The thing is, I can't tell anyone. I can't tell my friend who has lost 100 pounds and called me this morning because she had such a great workout. I can't tell her that it makes me, who has about 150 pounds to lose, feel like a horrible loser. I'm happy for her but it is not motivating at all.

I can't tell my friend who sent me pictures of herself with her new boyfriend. I can't tell my family. I don't want to drag them down in my sadness. Plus what are they going to say? See a shrink.

I am seeing a shrink. It is the most useless thing ever. He just sits there and says useless things like "it's sounds like you have a lot of shame and sadness." OK, how is that helpful?

So now I'm back on the couch. The curtains are closed. There may be some shame and sadness brownies happening soon.